My relationship being with a poly is different than most poly relationships I have heard and/or read about before. My partner is not really someone who just feels like he needs to have an emotional or physical connection with just anyone other than myself or his son’s mother (outside of just being a man of course lol). He has his own beliefs when it comes to parenting. Everyone is different and requires different ways of parenting/co-parenting. However based on the type of person that his son’s mother is, he feels that it is necessary that they have an emotional/personal relationship in order for his son to be raised in a way that he prefers. For some they will completely rid the communication outside of anything involving the child but that isn’t always gonna work for every co parenting situation.
It took me a while to really grasp what he was saying because to me it just sounded like I’m sure the most of you are thinking right now. He is just making an excuse to still fuck with his baby mom. So we went thru quite a few disagreements on this subject. However I can honestly say they went for quite some time without a sexual relationship and his feelings and actions toward her did not change. She began to withdraw from him because she wanted monogamy but still he gave her the same love and attention he had always given her. They went thru a lot and still he remained true to his original thoughts and words and I realized this was literally what he has been saying it was all along. He just wants whats best for his family.
A lot of people do not really understand that when we try to explain that to them. Most of his friends or acquaintances just automatically think he’s so lucky to have two women that know about each other with no drama and they want him to teach them how to be like him. However its not all as good as it sounds. I would honestly say he endures the most at the end of the day because it is still two separate relationships so not only are you dealing with the hormones and attitudes of one woman, you’re dealing with two. I mean of course when both women are happy you have the ultimate bliss but I can assure you it would usually be a domino effect of one being happy and the other not rather than peace from both sides lol.
For me it would usually be negative or confused responses. So many people would always ask how I could be okay being in a relationship with this man knowing he still would sometimes deal with his son’s mother. However I can’t sit and give every detail of the relationship every time it comes up in conversation, so I can usually just answer questions as they are asked of me. Some don’t even have to ask anything, I can just see the reaction all over their face. Ready to judge and assume I’m just blindly in love, accepting anything in my relationship. However I know exactly what I am doing here and I know that from the outside looking in things may seem super crazy and irregular but for us its as regular as a relationship can get.
Throughout these last couple years my partner and I have had numerous conversations about what it is we want and why it is that we are here in this relationship. We both just want to be able to raise our children in a stable comforting envionrment and give them unconditional love and support. We have our own plans about how we are going to put ourselves in the positions we want to be in to provide everything we want for our children that we didn’t have for ourselves as children. I mean the idea of two people being in a relationship and not having any relations with anyone else is just something that society has trained us to believe is the right way. When it comes to love there is no right or wrong way. If the both of you are happy with each other, nothing can destroy that.
I’m sure some of you have had a relationship where you guys did your own thing, going against “society norms” in pursuit of your own happiness and someone else hated you for it. Drop a comment and share your experience with us.