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Communication is key

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We are now going thru one of our phases where the group chat isn’t so lit lately.  We were going about a month or so strong with the 3 of us all talking to each other daily via our group chat.  Mostly memes and entertainment but for me it was a lot more than just a group chat.  It was my way of really seeing how conversations with the two of them would go.  He would tell me how things were if I asked with no problem but its different seeing it for yourself.  Especially being a female, we can often times make things up in our minds about our partner and even convince ourselves that our thoughts are true until proven otherwise no matter how many times your partner has already told you you’re flat out crazy lol. So me seeing how they interacted with each other helped me to understand their relationship a little better.  Well actually a lot better.

You know I would always tell my partner that I was not rooting for their relationship to work but I also never did anything to try and sabotage it nor get in the way of it.  I have always and still do want them to be able to have a great co parenting relationship because there are kids involved and it wouldn’t be fair for things to be any other way.  However lately I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one doing ANY rooting for the two of them (crazy right?).  From what I’ve been told, the two of them met and moved very fast from the beginning therefore not really getting to know each other before they got together more so learning each other along the way.  Him and I went a completely different route.  We have a relationship that is largely based around communication and verbal expression where they were always more physical.

I have never been a super physical person as it was not something I can really say that I saw growing up.  My parents were together with us all living under one roof until I was in the second grade and from there my mom was never really stable so we were always house to house with different family members. Majority of those family members were not in any serious or committed relationships and the ones that were had for the most part, toxic relationships that involved more abuse than anything.

So coming here and understanding their relationship so I thought was going to be super difficult, esp with me not having too many past experiences or lessons to go by.  After all this has been my most adult relationship, better yet my only real adult relationship I’ve ever had.  To my surprise their relationship is very clear and easy to understand after getting to know the both of them.  The communication in the relationship is not where it needs to be. They’ve been thru a lot and so much gets lost in translation.  A text or a tone being mis read or misunderstood.  Triggers causing trauma reenactment.  Its safe to say they can’t agree on ANYTHING!!!  I believe they both just need to let go of the past and start fresh. Easier said than done of course.

It just feels so weird to be in a place where I can say that I am for sure that the love that he has for the both of us really is two totally separate loves. The dynamics of the relationships are so completely opposite each other that it is sometimes hard to wrap my head around. We (my partner and I) use to have many arguments and/or disagreements about him loving the both of us the same and he would always tell me he loves the both of us equally but it isn’t the same.  And I never really could say I understood that until now because of where we all are with the relationships.  The love we share for each other is like that of two people who love each other unconditionally and who want to grow and move forward in life together.  Whereas they love each other more out of having no other choice but to do so because of the family that they chose to build together and the responsibilities that come with it.

How many of you can relate to staying with your partner because there were children involved?

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